Communication and Boundaries
COMMUNICATON
Clean, clear, and positive communication is the goal for a successful marriage. Our words carry weight and are powerful. What we say will either build up and encourage or our words will cause pain, belittle, and tear apart. There is no room in any relationship for negative and destructive communication.
15 - 30 Minutes of intentional listening and sharing daily.
Pick a designated time of the day for sharing (every night at 8pm). This is an intentional daily routine. Sit facing one another and hold hands. Take turns sharing. It doesn’t matter who starts. This should be a fun time to share. You can talk about your day, fun weekend plans, your hopes, dreams, and aspirations. If you have children then you can have a separate sharing time that includes them.
Family Meetings
Family meetings are for taking care of business and should be held as often as needed. You cannot throw a family meeting in the middle of the busy time of your day. You must setup this meeting by asking “I am feeling really unorganized and behind. Can we have a family meeting tonight at 7pm?” This is a time to organize, structure, problem solve and communicate family issues and needs. Take the emotion out of this meeting. Talk about what is present and what the needs are for the week. This is not a time to vent or bring up the past issues or hurts. You are life partners with share duties and responsibilities. Remember that God calls you to sacrificially serve and love one another equally.
Venting Time
Before you can have venting time you must ask “Is this a good time for me to vent?” You may vent about work, your mother, a friend, and etc. You absolutely should never vent about one another or current sensitive issues.
Create A Communication Boundary Plan
Boundaries keep our family safe and secure. All families are unique and will need to specifically write out a list of boundaries that applies directly to their defaults.
There is no yelling, no cursing, no threatening, and no name calling.
No leaving but take a “Time Out.” No threatening divorce.
No abuse. No mental, emotional, physical or financial abuse.
“Time Out Time Limit.” When things get heated, one of you will say “Time Out” and you will take a 20 - 30 minute break. We must both adhere to the time out and to the time limit.
Create your own specific
Sensitive or Controversial Issues
When conflict inevitably arises we MUST stick with our boundary plan. When you must discuss something controversial then ask permission by saying “Is this a good time to talk? If not now then when?” Getting permission in this way keeps everyone on the same page. You both understand that this is a sensitive issue and that we must keep our boundaries. You can press pause on your emotions and hopefully make way for clean, clear and positive communication.
